Transformers 3 (Dark of the moon) Movie review

The last time I entered the same theater was for a viewing of Endhiran. Therefore, to say that I was putting in my belief in the law of averages would be an understatement. In fact, I was hoping for a combination of that, my fairy godmother and the tooth fairy to make the third Transformers movie a memorable experience of the highest order  (partly to compensate for Endhiran, partly because I’m naive, as you might have guessed the moment the tooth fairy entered the topic).

Transformers 3 is a bad movie. It is bad from start to finish. It is consistently pathetic. The acting, always barely above average in the previous two movies, is downright pathetic in this one. Shia LeBeouf is apparently trying to portray a frustrated young man. I don’t know about frustration, but he certainly came off as something half way between “loser” and “irritant”. As for his girlfriend, played by the English model, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, the less said of her acting, the better. She is there because loser-irritant requires a hot girlfriend. Not even Francis McDormand and John Turturro can save their scenes. This might have something to do with the fact the script seems to have been written by a blind, deaf and completely inebriated mechanic sometime during the seventeenth century. For two-and-a-half hours, I was waiting for some spectacular action sequence to wow me. It never happened. The 3D was unconvincing – it maybe the theater’s fault- and it was not a memorable viewing.

Here is the story – or whatever they try to pass off as one – the Transformers are spending their time on Earth co-operating with the Government and helping save the humans from themselves. Sam Witwicky is now out of college and trying for a job. He also has a hot girlfriend. Also, his cute-boy act is so past its sell-by-date that I felt sorry for him when I  to watched it. Actually, cut that out. I have no sympathy for him whatsoever. We are duly informed that the real reason for the Moon landings (but of course) was to check out an alien spaceship that had crash-landed there. As it turns out, the spaceship contains Sentinel Prime, who is Optimus’ guru. He was carrying technology that could have saved Cybetron from destruction- and Earth from this vile movie. Why he has to resemble Bhishma from the Mahabharatha is something that I have not worked out yet. Also, the Chernobyl disaster was the result of the Russians using the same technology mentioned earlier to generate power. So naturally, the Transformers, enraged at having this information withheld from them for so long, launch a mission to bring back Sentinel. The rest of the story (haha), naturally, is a consequence of that action.

The reason I hate this movie is because it is an affront to human intelligence – or animal or robot. I am willing to look beyond the corny, cheesy and silly dialogues, the non-existent acting, and over-blown special effects- this, after all, is a sequel to Transformers 2, its not like I was expecting 2001: A Space Odyssey. However, some of the things they show on screen make you question where humanity is heading. I thought Transformers were alien robots until this revealing scene – a Decepticon writhes about in agony when someone pokes them in their “eye”.

I’m going to remember this movie only because somewhere down the line, I’m pretty sure,  I will regret ever entering that damned theater. Also, I still haven’t heard from the two people I convinced to come along with me  for the movie. Definitely not one of my brighter ideas.

Rating: One out of Five stars

1 being an eyesore, 2 being passable, 3 being pleasant, 4 being very good and 5 being a sight for sore eyes.